Letting Go

I cling to the past.  It’s not a healthy habit, and it’s one I intend to break.

I enjoy reminiscing about my childhood, and the exciting advances in the computer industry that thrilled me in my youth.  I like watching old episodes of the Computer Chronicles, which are sometimes very amusing because of how things have changed over the years, or the predictions that were way off.  I have all the classic video game anthologies for PS2, and one of my favorite games on my computer is BurgerSpace, a clone of the  classic arcade game BurgerTime.  All in all, I had a happy geeky childhood.

Unfortunately, I also tend to obsess over things that have happened in the past, friendships that fell apart, mistakes I’ve made, and unpleasant people I’ve had to suffer.  When I get in that mode, I become moody and unproductive.  Living in this city and having that problem is a recipe for disaster.  If I’m not productive, I’m not making money.  If I’m not making money, I can’t afford to live.

There is someone who, for my own health, I’ve had to cut out of my life.  There are people on the Internet known as trolls.  In the two years I’ve lived here, I’ve realized that trolls don’t just exist on the Internet.  Because of the influence of this one particular troll, I’ve done things I’m not proud of.  When I finally saw the situation for what it was, I removed myself from it.  Life is too short to feed the trolls.  And yet, from time to time, they still haunt my memory.  There are things I would have done differently, knowing what I know now, but doing anything about this situation short of letting go of it and moving on would be counterproductive.  My obsessing over the past isn’t going to change anything.

I need to learn how to let go and move on.  I think writing helps, so expect more blog posts.  (But don’t worry, I’m so past my emo phase.)

An Enemy of the Animals

I am usually of the opinion that attention whores should be ignored. However, when a large, misguided and (sadly) influential organization like People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals promotes something so egregious as The Animal Activist’s Handbook by Matt Ball and Bruce Friedrich, I feel it is a moral imperative to reply.

From the press release:

Friedrich explains the importance of socializing and breaking bread with meat-eaters–and even dating them. After all, he explains, boycotting holiday meals or applying a vegan litmus test to our love lives will only alienate friends and family and cut down on our dating pool and sphere of influence.

First, I’m very fortunate to have a vegan husband. I realize that not every vegan is so lucky; but personally I would never have dated someone who wasn’t vegan, any more than I would have dated someone who was conservative, pro-capitalist, sexist, or racist. Having similar moral and ethical foundations is important in a relationship.

Second, I have non-vegan friends. I sometimes eat with them in non-vegan restaurants, or go to their non-vegan parties. But I always make sure that there is food available for me, either by working out beforehand what I can have, or by bringing my own, and my non-vegan friends have been – for the most part – very supportive and respectful of this. All that said, I still avoid events like barbeques, fondue parties, and clambakes. I am not comfortable in such settings, and I see no reason to subject myself and others to my presence there.

The press release goes on to say:

He suggests that meat-eaters should be fed faux meat rather than ethnic or other less familiar foods as their introduction to vegetarianism, and he argues against questioning waiters in restaurants about the ingredients in menu items.

Aside from the racist undertones of dismissing “ethnic” food, this is simply terrible advice overall. I’ve taken non-vegan friends to great vegan restaurants that serve faux meat. While I and many other long-time vegans enjoy the food at such places, many non-vegans do not. It does not compare with the real meat omnivores are used to. It creates the illusion that vegans are depriving themselves by having “inferior” foods, and that going vegan is both expensive and difficult. In contrast to that, my husband Dino – who is originally from India – cooked at our wedding and other gatherings of non-vegans. The same people who were put off by the faux meats greatly enjoyed Dino’s cooking. For those of you who are familiar with his cookbook, podcast, or blog, you know how Dino feels about faux meats.

Finally, while I sometimes eat at non-vegan restaurants, I always make sure that what I’m ordering is vegan. It isn’t that difficult; it doesn’t put non-vegans off; and it opens dialogue with non-vegan friends about why I won’t eat certain things. It also lets my friends know that veganism is something I take seriously, and that it matters to me to be ethically consistent.

When PeTA manages to get so much wrong, I have to wonder if they are really interested in the ethical treatment of animals.

Beegans, Freegans, and Peskytarians

I’m going to just come out and say this.

If you eat honey, then you are not vegan.

If you eat cheese that was thrown in a dumpster, then you are not vegan.

If you eat fish, chicken, or “seafood,” then you are not vegetarian.

A vegan is someone who, by definition, strives to abstain from using all animal and animal-derived products. Honey is a product of bees. Bees are insects. Insects are arthropods. Arthropods are animals. Ergo, honey is an animal product. Likewise, cheese comes from the milk of cows or goats. Whether or not it was thrown away is irrelevant.

Likewise, chickens are animals. Fish are animals. Other sea creatures are animals. There are no “partial vegetarians.” If you eat some animals or all animals, or only on certain days of the week, or only on holidays, then you are not a vegetarian.

I am a vegan for ethical reasons. I do not wish to participate in the unnecessary and cruel use of animals. It is not simply a matter of not paying money for animal products. Animals are not here for us to use. Whether or not cheese is bought in a store or found in a dumpster, it is not food.

If you call yourself vegan or vegetarian, but still eat animals or animal products, please stop confusing omnivores. Stop rendering the words vegan and vegetarian meaningless with hypocrisy and logical inconsistency.

Stop using animals.

The F-Word

I was having a good morning. I woke up early, got a lot of work done, and was looking forward to a productive day. I set out to return some library books, walking down the peaceful Main Street of Roosevelt Island. As I walked, the weather reminded me of my time in Ireland: cool and damp, but not too cold, and I smiled to myself at the fond memories.

On my way back from the library, I passed a middle-aged woman. As I passed her, I heard her say one word, aloud, very clearly.

“Faggot.”

I was hurt, stunned, and taken aback. I felt like I had been punched in the solar plexus of my soul. I can only recall one other time I had been called that, years ago. It hurt then and it hurts now.

I feel sorry for this woman. Her ignorance and hatred is a burden that will leave her miserable. I forgive her, and I will pray for her. I wish I had said as much to her in response. I will not let her hatred become my problem. I sincerely hope she sees the error of her ways.

Times are changing, but not fast enough.

Criticism vs. Self-Righteousness

If I had a dime for every time someone told me I was being divisive, “mean,” or self-righteous, I’d go out and buy a pack of Peanut Chews.

In the events leading up to the split between News & Letters Committees and the Marxist-Humanist Committee, I was told I had no right to criticize older members, because they understand Marxism more than I do. This claim completely ignored the fact that I was joining several of the other older members in that criticism – individuals whose understanding of Marxism is well-renowned.

I’ve been told in vegan and animal rights activist circles that I should not criticize people who protest fur and neglect other animal rights issues, because these people are increasing awareness of the problem by getting people to think about the issues. I’ve seen no evidence to demonstrate this. Many people are against fur already, and never make the connection to realize that leather and meat are just as wrong. And yet, when I’ve expressed my frustration with activists waste time with this approach, instead of advocating directly for veganism, I’m accused of being self-righteous.

If we don’t allow open and honest criticism in activist circles, if we don’t allow dissenting thoughts to be voiced from within, if we are expected to go along with “the organization” or “the movement” uncritically and without thought, what can we even begin to hope to accomplish? If we keep doing the same shit, we’ll keep getting the same shit. We don’t all think alike, nor should we. We don’t always agree on the best approach. We shouldn’t stifle our voices for the sake of some bullshit false unity.

We need to be able to express our criticisms openly and honestly, without passive-aggressiveness. We need to be willing to concede to reason when reason shows us the error of our ways. We need organization that reflects our values of democracy, honesty, and freedom of speech.

We do not have the right to be above criticism. We do not have the right to live without being offended. This is not self-righteousness.

My fellow activists, get over yourselves.

Melissa Etheridge refuses to pay taxes

The Daily Beast op-ed “You Can Forget My Taxes” by Melissa Etheridge

She has a point. GLBTQ persons are second-class citizens in this country, and yet we’re still expected to pay taxes. I’ve made a lot of money this year, but until the laws change, and recognize my right to marry my husband whom I’ve shared my life with for 2 years now, I don’t see why I should pay taxes either.

Insomnia’s a bitch

Since I can’t sleep, I might as well blog.

I meant to write an entry about the New York Anime Festival, which was awesome.  I also wanted to write about my retreat in Connecticut, which was also awesome.  I thought about writing about the circumstances regarding why I haven’t worked in 2 weeks, and have been looking for a new job, and why that sucks, but why focus on the negative?

So it looks like my contract is up, and I haven’t heard back about work for the rest of the year, so I think the writings on the wall for this last job.  I hated the commute anyway, so I hope to find something much closer to home this time.

I have a love/hate relationship with being between jobs.  On the one hand, I actually enjoy the interview process.  I get to chat with friendly people about interesting geeky things.  Sometimes I get logic puzzles, which I enjoy.  On the other hand, not having a normal routine means I have to be horribly self-disciplined, and I’m not always the best about that.  I oversleep, and find myself spending way too much time on IRC, and I struggle with depression.  Add to that the stress of not knowing how to make ends meet (thankfully, not an immediate concern; we have saved up some money), and the feelings of inadequacy one must have when losing a job.

When in this situation, what’s really important is to look at the positive.  I no longer have to commute to Long Island.  I get a fresh start, and the work is bound to be more interesting than what I was doing before.

Life is still good.  Now I’m going to try to go back to sleep.

Getting older

Okay, I know I’m not really that old; I’m only 29.  But lately I’ve noticed I can’t do caffeine and sugar like I used to without getting jittery, moody, or otherwise fucking with my sleep schedule.  I’ve also noticed that I need less sleep now.  My body is ready to wake up after like 6 or 7 hours, but my mind rebels and tries to go back to sleep.

I injured my foot a month or so ago, and now it acts like a barometer.  I’ve started noticing more grey hairs.  I get home from work, and I’m tired.

I need to get into the habit of working out regularly, and taking better care of myself.

The Utopian Myth

At that party the other night, where someone was complaining about the Vegan Freak Forums, I suggested that person join the Vegan Represent Forums instead.  Someone else pointed out the various faults with those forums and some people on there.  I won’t go into those alleged faults here, because I don’t do that sort of thing.  (Notice a pattern here?)

Here’s the thing with the Internets and with all the other ways humans organize themselves: we’re human!  We’re going to fuck up, make mistakes, disagree, upset each other, get pissed off, have misunderstandings, and not always like each other.  It’s a part of being alive.  We shouldn’t expect to find a utopia, on the Internet or IRL.  They don’t exist.

Like I said before, if you really think you can do better, start your own online community.  Eventually, if you’re successful, you’ll have to make hard decisions, and some people won’t like them, or you.  You will be called a nazi, fascist, authoritarian, or just plain mean.  You cannot make everyone happy, all you can do is try to keep some order.  The Internet is full of trolls, attention whores, and idiots.  Their behavior should not be tolerated.  Not everyone agrees on what behavior qualifies as trollish, and sometimes people make mistakes.  Sometimes trolls have the best intentions.  Sometimes things that are seemingly unoffensive to the poster reflect that persons insensitivity or ignorance to the plight of others.  Whether or not the cause is ignorance or malice, it shouldn’t be tolerated.

There are no utopias.  We can only do our best in the communities we have, for now.

Internet communities revisited

I know I’ve ranted about this before, but after the potluck I was at Saturday night, it’s worth repeating.

I would have had a lovely time at the potluck, were it not for the fact that there were some disgruntled members of the Vegan Freak Forums there, who felt it appropriate to spend the entire night complaining about how the forums are run, how the mods are Nazis (Godwin’s Law), etc. etc.

The people who run the forums are providing a service, of their own good free will, and they have no obligations or duty to do so.  It is up to those people to run it as they see fit.  If you don’t like it, you have no obligation to stay there.  Start your own forums, or find a community that better suits you.  If we ban someone, that’s our discretion.  If you don’t like our decisions, go away.  Honestly, why is that so difficult to understand for some people?  Why do all these people feel entitled, like we owe them an explanation as to how we run things?

People need to grow up.

On the other hand, why should I give a flying fuck what these people think?  I really don’t.  They just wanted to vent about decisions we’ve made; so be it.  I’m not going to read too much into what people say at a party after having a few drinks.  I don’t think, in the case of some people, it was necessarily a personal attack.  (Okay, the Nazi remark is, but so the fuck what?)  I’m not going to read too much into this, as the complaints say more about the complianer’s sense of entitlement than about anything we’re doing.  And the fact of the matter is, we’re still a vibrant and active community.  So we must be doing something right.

With all due Christian love and respect, all I can say is fuck the haters.  They can go play elsewhere.