another change in direction (sort of)
It may seem like I make some important life decision every 5 minutes, and the fact of the matter is I’ve been through a lot this past year. I was working as an adjunct professor and private tutor. I had decided to go back to school for a doctorate in Math or Math Education. (Didn’t follow through for reasons I’ll explain shortly.) I had decided to give trying to get a job at Google another go. (Didn’t work out.) I had decided to go back to school for a MST or MAT in Secondary School Mathematics, and to apply to Math for America, and a similar program. (Didn’t pan out.)
While I love teaching and tutoring, I’ve become disenchanted with the academic system in this country. I’m in a state of educational limbo, where I can’t afford to go back to school, I can’t get a good full-time teaching job at college because I don’t have a doctorate, and I can’t get any other teaching job, because I’m not certified. While I can continue to make a living teaching and tutoring at the current level, I feel like there’s more I can (and should) do with my life.
I love teaching and tutoring because it can make a positive impact on the lives of others. I love helping people. It was the reason why, back when I was Catholic, I had considered Holy Orders.
I was given the opportunity to preach on August 21, and the sermon was very well-received by the congregation. Both my husband and a dear friend who attended said this is what I was born to do. After much anxiety, wrestling, prayer, and sleepless nights, I had realized that this is my calling. I am applying to seminary. It’s really not that far off from what I was trying to do before. I’d still be helping others and working as an educator.
I don’t pretend to fully understand why, at the age of 32, I feel compelled to do this. It’s something I feel I need to do. I need to help challenge the tired stereotypes of what it means to be a Christian, a minister, and a gay man.
If there was any doubt as to my sanity — if you remember that I married some guy I met on the Internet a month after meeting him in person, dropped everything and moved to Florida, then dropped everything again, and moved with him to New York, against all common sense and the advice of concerned friends — then this should cinch it. I am completely out of my mind. Thank God I have a supportive husband who loves me anyway. I only hope he knows what he got himself into.
