Idealist and Realist

I’m an idealist, but I also happen to be a realist. I am an idealist because of all the good that has happened in my life. I am an idealist because even when I’ve been hurt, I’ve learned from the experience and have never lost faith, in God or humanity. I am a realist because I recognize the profound truth that thought shapes reality.

Believe the worst about people, and you will see only the worst in them. Believe the best about people, and you will search for and find the best in them, and in yourself. Whatever your attitude is about life, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. FUD* is the most dangerous thing in the world, even if it has no grounding in reality. Once it makes a home in someone’s heart, FUD manifests itself in reality, because that person will start to look for reasons for the shit to hit the fan. And once you start looking, you start to push the fan closer to the shit.

Think of life like a tightrope. The tightrope walker is able to make it across only because there is no FUD in her life. The moment she doubts herself, she will fall.

Don’t doubt.

* FUD = fear, uncertainty, doubt

Confession time

I have a bad habit.  I only recently realized the extent of this problem this weekend, so I thought I’d share it with the rest of you, because I know there are others out there with the same habit.

I like to please people.  I have an unhealthy and thoroughly unrealistic desire to keep people happy with me.  And yet, when there are people in your life close to you, it is inevitable that, one day, they will be upset with you, or you with them.  Sometimes you will disagree with their judgment, or they with yours.

My desire to please someone this weekend drove me to doubt myself and my judgment.  As a consequence, I very nearly shot myself in the foot and fucked up something very good in my life.  I had to devote time to damage control, and hope things will sort themselves out.  I think they will.  Nevertheless, I will rest a little easier once this whole situation is sorted out.

I’ve let angry and at times cruel words affect me in ways I am not proud of.  I need to stop taking everything – especially those things said in moments of frustration – so personally.

It’s strange the way we know some things.

Don’t tempt fate.  Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.  Don’t put all your eggs tofu in one basket.

Fuck all that.  Everything is going exactly as it should be.  It’s not exactly as I expected, but I know things are going to work out the way they need to.  And somehow, I know one specific about how they will work out.  I’m not sure how I know this one detail, but I am as sure about it as I was when Dino popped the question and I was able to say without thinking “yes.”

There is a classic example of things going not how I expected, but how they needed to.  I always suspected I would get into a relationship slowly, court someone properly, and get married after a year or so of getting to know the person.  As anyone who knows us is aware, things didn’t go that way.  I met Dino online in November 2005, in person May of 2006, got married in July, and moved to Florida in August.  And I bet you thought only lesbians moved that fast. (Before anyone rips on me for making that last remark, my sister is a lesbian and that was the first remark she made when I told her I was getting married.)

Then I moved down here, and things got rough.  And yet, if they had gone well, I would not have realized what needed to be done to set things right.  Things would have gotten worse in the long run, and I don’t even want to think of how bad they could have gotten.  Now they are being set right, as they should be, and in the proper time.

At the risk of sounding like some kind of new age hippie, perhaps there is something to this whole law of attraction thingie.

Anyway, long story short, I’m back, and I’m better than I’ve ever been before.  Did you miss me?

One of the truly great things about life…

No matter how much or badly you fuck things up, you can learn from your mistakes and move on.