Dino is in Florida, finishing up his degree. I am in New York, working on mine. Summer is bringing with it opportunities for conferences and preaching engagements, things I shouldn’t miss if I’m serious about following through with this vocation. Summer is also bringing with it financial burdens – there is no financial aid for students during the summer months. I will need to find work, on top of getting my end-of-semester work done. Finding work is difficult. Finding well-paying temporary work that won’t make me want to pull my hair out is very difficult.
Or, I could just say “fuck it,” put my stuff into storage for the Summer, cancel my preaching engagements, and move down to Florida. I’d get to be with Dino, find work in a place where cost of living is much lower, and maybe save up some money and pay down some debts. I miss Dino, and we’re probably not going to be able to see each other much over the next few years. In theory, I could go down to Florida, and fly up the few weekends I need to be here, and probably spend less than actually living in New York. Yet I can’t help but feel there would be missed opportunities and connections if I’m not in New York.
I’ve applied for summer housing, and I’m leaning towards that option. I do not like uprooting every few months. I want access to my library, and my own space to work, think, and write. I also want my husband. I wish life were simpler. I wish I could bring myself to drop everything and follow him wherever, but I know I can’t, and I really don’t want to do that. For the same reason, I know he can’t drop everything and come back here.
I also know, after everything else we’ve been through, we’ll get through this. This too shall pass.
Just the act of writing all this out helps me process it. I’ll be staying in New York this Summer. I’ll visit Dino when I can; he’ll visit me when he can. I’ll find work.