Letting Go

I cling to the past.  It’s not a healthy habit, and it’s one I intend to break.

I enjoy reminiscing about my childhood, and the exciting advances in the computer industry that thrilled me in my youth.  I like watching old episodes of the Computer Chronicles, which are sometimes very amusing because of how things have changed over the years, or the predictions that were way off.  I have all the classic video game anthologies for PS2, and one of my favorite games on my computer is BurgerSpace, a clone of the  classic arcade game BurgerTime.  All in all, I had a happy geeky childhood.

Unfortunately, I also tend to obsess over things that have happened in the past, friendships that fell apart, mistakes I’ve made, and unpleasant people I’ve had to suffer.  When I get in that mode, I become moody and unproductive.  Living in this city and having that problem is a recipe for disaster.  If I’m not productive, I’m not making money.  If I’m not making money, I can’t afford to live.

There is someone who, for my own health, I’ve had to cut out of my life.  There are people on the Internet known as trolls.  In the two years I’ve lived here, I’ve realized that trolls don’t just exist on the Internet.  Because of the influence of this one particular troll, I’ve done things I’m not proud of.  When I finally saw the situation for what it was, I removed myself from it.  Life is too short to feed the trolls.  And yet, from time to time, they still haunt my memory.  There are things I would have done differently, knowing what I know now, but doing anything about this situation short of letting go of it and moving on would be counterproductive.  My obsessing over the past isn’t going to change anything.

I need to learn how to let go and move on.  I think writing helps, so expect more blog posts.  (But don’t worry, I’m so past my emo phase.)

Queer Liberation

If you were to look at where LGBTQ rights organizations seem to be spending all their energy, you would think marriage equality were the end-all-and-be-all.  The reasons for this are straightforward.  With marriage equality comes certain legal rights not guaranteed to domestic partners otherwise.  Last year, my partner was financially dependent on me, yet I could not claim him as a dependent when I filed taxes.  (I still haven’t paid my taxes for this year.  I owe around $25,000.  While I had considered refusing to pay, given that we’re second-class citizens in this country, the fact of the matter is I simply can’t afford to pay.)  Marriage would help us secure other rights as next-of-kin, such as hospital visitation.

It’s necessary to keep in mind that we also live in a world where queer teens are at a high risk for depression and suicide.  Same-sex couples are often not allowed to adopt.  LGBTQ individuals of all walks of life are subject to discrimination and sometimes violence.  Those in same-sex relationships are not allowed to donate blood, even if they are in a monogamous relationship and are both healthy.  The very existence of so-called “reparative therapy” groups promising to “cure” homosexuality contradicts the standards held by health-care professionals and flies in the face of common decency.  Health insurance companies can refuse benefits to domestic partners.  (But God forbid we socialize our healthcare system, and thereby joining THE REST OF THE CIVILIZED WORLD IN RECOGNIZING THAT HEALTH CARE IS A HUMAN RIGHT.  But I digress.)

But the “movement,” by which I mean Marriage Equality and HRC, takes the milquetoast and bourgeois position that marriage equality (and repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell), is all we need.  What we really need is for all families (married or not, monogamous or polyamurous) to get the same legal recognition and rights.  A step forward would be to either make civil marriage available to all people, or do away with civil marriage altogether.  The most fair way to do this would be to abolish civil marriage, change tax laws to allow for a dependent to be any individual who lives at the same address, and make discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity illegal.

There is a lot more I could say on the matter, but I’ll leave it at that for now.

Happy Birthday Mom

My Mother would have been 64 yesterday. She passed away 2 years ago. I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive or loving mother. I still miss her, but I’m glad she’s no longer in pain.

Treasure every moment you have with your loved ones. You never know how many more of those moments you will have.

The Final Straw

Between work and not having any income yet from that work and deadlines and protests and racist quasi-fascist cops and bills and sleep deprivation, I am exhausted.  And yet, I’m still here.  I just need a proper break from everything.  I need some good news.  I need some financial security.  Is that too much to ask?

Life goes on.  All things considered, I’ve got dealt a pretty sweet hand.  I shouldn’t complain, but like I said, I am exhausted.  And now I’m going to now look for a second job.

This too shall pass.  We’ve just got to hang in there, for our own sake, and for the sake of our loved ones.

An Enemy of the Animals

I am usually of the opinion that attention whores should be ignored. However, when a large, misguided and (sadly) influential organization like People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals promotes something so egregious as The Animal Activist’s Handbook by Matt Ball and Bruce Friedrich, I feel it is a moral imperative to reply.

From the press release:

Friedrich explains the importance of socializing and breaking bread with meat-eaters–and even dating them. After all, he explains, boycotting holiday meals or applying a vegan litmus test to our love lives will only alienate friends and family and cut down on our dating pool and sphere of influence.

First, I’m very fortunate to have a vegan husband. I realize that not every vegan is so lucky; but personally I would never have dated someone who wasn’t vegan, any more than I would have dated someone who was conservative, pro-capitalist, sexist, or racist. Having similar moral and ethical foundations is important in a relationship.

Second, I have non-vegan friends. I sometimes eat with them in non-vegan restaurants, or go to their non-vegan parties. But I always make sure that there is food available for me, either by working out beforehand what I can have, or by bringing my own, and my non-vegan friends have been – for the most part – very supportive and respectful of this. All that said, I still avoid events like barbeques, fondue parties, and clambakes. I am not comfortable in such settings, and I see no reason to subject myself and others to my presence there.

The press release goes on to say:

He suggests that meat-eaters should be fed faux meat rather than ethnic or other less familiar foods as their introduction to vegetarianism, and he argues against questioning waiters in restaurants about the ingredients in menu items.

Aside from the racist undertones of dismissing “ethnic” food, this is simply terrible advice overall. I’ve taken non-vegan friends to great vegan restaurants that serve faux meat. While I and many other long-time vegans enjoy the food at such places, many non-vegans do not. It does not compare with the real meat omnivores are used to. It creates the illusion that vegans are depriving themselves by having “inferior” foods, and that going vegan is both expensive and difficult. In contrast to that, my husband Dino – who is originally from India – cooked at our wedding and other gatherings of non-vegans. The same people who were put off by the faux meats greatly enjoyed Dino’s cooking. For those of you who are familiar with his cookbook, podcast, or blog, you know how Dino feels about faux meats.

Finally, while I sometimes eat at non-vegan restaurants, I always make sure that what I’m ordering is vegan. It isn’t that difficult; it doesn’t put non-vegans off; and it opens dialogue with non-vegan friends about why I won’t eat certain things. It also lets my friends know that veganism is something I take seriously, and that it matters to me to be ethically consistent.

When PeTA manages to get so much wrong, I have to wonder if they are really interested in the ethical treatment of animals.

Beegans, Freegans, and Peskytarians

I’m going to just come out and say this.

If you eat honey, then you are not vegan.

If you eat cheese that was thrown in a dumpster, then you are not vegan.

If you eat fish, chicken, or “seafood,” then you are not vegetarian.

A vegan is someone who, by definition, strives to abstain from using all animal and animal-derived products. Honey is a product of bees. Bees are insects. Insects are arthropods. Arthropods are animals. Ergo, honey is an animal product. Likewise, cheese comes from the milk of cows or goats. Whether or not it was thrown away is irrelevant.

Likewise, chickens are animals. Fish are animals. Other sea creatures are animals. There are no “partial vegetarians.” If you eat some animals or all animals, or only on certain days of the week, or only on holidays, then you are not a vegetarian.

I am a vegan for ethical reasons. I do not wish to participate in the unnecessary and cruel use of animals. It is not simply a matter of not paying money for animal products. Animals are not here for us to use. Whether or not cheese is bought in a store or found in a dumpster, it is not food.

If you call yourself vegan or vegetarian, but still eat animals or animal products, please stop confusing omnivores. Stop rendering the words vegan and vegetarian meaningless with hypocrisy and logical inconsistency.

Stop using animals.

The F-Word

I was having a good morning. I woke up early, got a lot of work done, and was looking forward to a productive day. I set out to return some library books, walking down the peaceful Main Street of Roosevelt Island. As I walked, the weather reminded me of my time in Ireland: cool and damp, but not too cold, and I smiled to myself at the fond memories.

On my way back from the library, I passed a middle-aged woman. As I passed her, I heard her say one word, aloud, very clearly.

“Faggot.”

I was hurt, stunned, and taken aback. I felt like I had been punched in the solar plexus of my soul. I can only recall one other time I had been called that, years ago. It hurt then and it hurts now.

I feel sorry for this woman. Her ignorance and hatred is a burden that will leave her miserable. I forgive her, and I will pray for her. I wish I had said as much to her in response. I will not let her hatred become my problem. I sincerely hope she sees the error of her ways.

Times are changing, but not fast enough.

The Trouble With Twitter

You might have seen this video:

Like all good humor, there’s a grain of truth to it. Twitter, like most Internet platforms, can be a tool for sharing information and ideas. And like most Internet platforms, it is used for inane chatter as a substitute for real human interaction, or for that matter, thought. I’ve noticed with myself that the more I use things like twitter, online forums, social networking sites, and IRC, the more self-conscious, introverted, and insecure I become about interacting with people face-to-face. I don’t think any of these Internet services are bad in moderation. Without the Internet, I’d have been lost as a vegan living in the suburban Midwest, and I wouldn’t have met my husband. The problem is that all this connectivity can quickly (and frequently does) become addictions.

I’m not going to scream “NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS” and summon the Fail Whale. You probably do have friends. Give them a call. See how they are doing. Go hang out with them. Go talk to a random stranger and make new friends! Or if you’re really not feeling like socializing, at the very least go read a book, or walk in a park. Just pry yourself from your cell-phones, iPods, computers, netbooks, BlackBerries, and all those other gizmos that allow you to forget about the real world.

We’ve become a world of cyborgs, living in a virtual reality. We’re forgetting how to deal with real people. It’s time we remember again.

to boldly go where angels fear to tread

This has been a strange week. To make a long story short I learned about coworking this week, and I gradually realized that I’ve been dealing with my unemployment problem the wrong way.

Wednesday night I had these strange nightmares and night terrors, which were so incredibly vivid that I spent most of the day wondering what it all meant. I don’t remember any of the details, but the whole experience was like something out of a horror movie, and I was emotionally and physically drained all Thursday. This actually proved to be a good thing, because in spite of being in that state, I was able to make an important decision about my current situation.

I decided to go into business for myself. I’m going to try to get some venture capital, and maybe some grant money, to work on projects I’ve been wanting to work on, but too busy to work on because I was too afraid to take such a risk and try to start my own business. I’ve run the idea by some people whose opinions I trust, and they all think I’m doing the right thing.

I don’t think these things happen by chance. I’m convinced that I lost a job I wanted after only 6 weeks so I would confront this possibility seriously. It’s very difficult to describe how I’m feeling right now. This is one of those times when one would expect stress to get the better of me, but somehow some survival mechanism in my head just clicks and I am experiencing a strange sense of certainty about this decision.

This is an exciting moment in my life. I feel liberated.

Check back

I’ve been really busy lately. I’ll get back to regular blogging again eventually.