I had a little downtime to think about some things I do and why I do them. It’s been a weird process, because I’m pursuing an M. Div. and ordination, and I don’t fully understand why. I continue to record programming tutorial videos when I can, with the hopes of developing online courses, but I’ve not progressed on generating the content for those courses. I started taking a free online course on MongoDB, but lately I’ve started asking myself, “Why? When am I ever going to use this?” I dropped the course today.
I feel like I don’t want to completely let go of programming, because it can be a lucrative career (although I hated working in the field, I still like to code, tinker, and learn). Computing was something I was always good at, but my passion for it has waned. Teaching computing is something I’m good at, but my passion for that has waned as well.
Am I clinging to this because I don’t want to feel as though my M. Sci. was a waste of time? Is it because I don’t know why I’m pursuing this new path, apart from the fact that I feel I have to?
As I look back on the past academic year, and how much I had to work for my grades, and how much even the little outside work I was doing seemed to be distracting me from my studies, I have to ask if the work is worth it?
If I were just in it to get the M. Div. and become a minister, then it probably would be. Yet, I’m planning on continuing for a doctorate in theology. Aside from a lifetime of being a Christian and a minor in philosophy, this is all new ground for me. I need to focus my energy on studying theology and the bible. I’m accumulating too much debt to half-ass this.
So here’s what I’m going to do:
- I’m still going to record YouTube tutorials, because they’ve been getting attention, and good reviews.
- I am going to still tinker and code, but I’m going to greatly reduce the amount of time I spend doing that, and probably do it through exploring things like JSword.
- I may or may not still do the Udemy courses. If I do, the first one will be the Basic Mathematics free course, which will be a public service for those who need help in remedial mathematics.
- I will stop tutoring altogether for a while.
The last one was a difficult decision to make, but I’ve come to realize it as a necessary one. I cannot commit the time and energy to do a proper job of it, and to continue to work without that ability to commit would be a disservice to my students.
Perhaps I will restart tutoring once my internship is complete this year, but for now, it is the best thing to do.