Updating the CV

I was lying in bed, exhausted after a day of not getting nearly as much done as I wanted to get done, thanks largely to the Wii and Super Paper Mario. Sometimes I find one of two things will happen when I’m dead tired and just getting comfortable in bed: I realize I need to pee, or I get inspired to do some writing. So here I am, dusting off the sadly over-neglected blog to tell you about what thoughts drifted in my head as I was lying in bed, not drifting off to sleep.

I’ve thought to myself,

Steve, you’ve lead an interesting life. You’ve had the sort of life that would make your memoirs, perhaps not a best-seller, but a good read nonetheless. You’ve a few stories to tell.

Now that you’re looking for work, your résumé doesn’t quite capture that. It doesn’t capture those things that make for an awesome story during the interview process, if you even get that far. It lists my responsibilities as a private tutor and adjunct professor, but it doesn’t tell about the impact I’ve made in the lives of my students. It doesn’t talk about my faith, or how I left everything to move to Florida to be with my husband, and how we both left everything to move to New York to find our fortune. My résumé describes my previous jobs and education, but not me.

So I’m going to try something a little crazy and different. Why, you ask? Because I have nothing to lose at this point, and because every time I get a crazy and different idea, it’s usually an awesomely effective one. I’m going to write a résumé that tells my story. I won’t be able to tell all of it, but enough of it, something that says where I’m coming from, what I’m doing now, and what I hope to accomplish. In short, I’m going to write a résumé like a persuasive essay, explain why I’m awesome and you should hire me, and I’m going to post it to Craigslist.

Once it’s written, I’ll post it here as well, and I’ll update you as to what, if any, responses I get. It’s not unlike the start of Agatha Christie’s The Secret Adversary, when Tommy and Tuppence take out an ad in the paper: “Two young adventurers for hire. Willing to do anything, go anywhere. Pay must be good. No unreasonable offer refused—if pay is good.”

It’s time for another adventure.

http://xkcd.com/308/

Sexuality Rant

Two remarkable things have been happening in the news lately.

First, there’s a remarkable number of stories about the so-called ex-gay treatments, and a number of people who have participated in these have come forward recently to discredit the claims of those organizations. See Former Ex-Gay Leader Smid Can No Longer Condemn Gays and Participant Discredits the Original Ex-Gay Study, for example. Most likely this has been a result of Michele and Marcus Bachmann being in the political spotlight, exposure of Mr. Bachman’s clinic as offering such treatments, and media speculation of his own sexuality.

I don’t need to tell my readers about the dangers of ex-gay ministries, and the damage they have caused to many young queer individuals, including depression, PTSD, and suicide. The notion that one could willingly change one’s own sexuality is both absurd and harmful.

The second thing that has cropped up in the news is the Chris Birch story, about a Rugby player who suffered a stroke after a freak accident, and finds himself gay. The thing that struck me the most about this remarkable story isn’t the account of events, but the hostile reaction of LGBTQ individuals who believe he was always gay, but the stroke made him uninhibited. Many of the posts I’ve seen on the internet about this story have come off as angry and judgmental. This, coming from an oppressed minority, directed towards someone who is a part of that minority, is downright disgraceful.

Only Chris Birch knows the truth about what happened, and his sexuality is his own business.

Human sexuality is dynamic. Most of us find ourselves exclusively or almost exclusively attracted to one gender, but not all. This is what drives many of us progressive queers to embrace the all-inclusive term “queer.” Many of the struggles I face socially and politically are similar to others in the queer community, whether they be lesbian, bisexual, transgender, genderqueer, asexual, etc. While I am a gay man, married to another gay man, and it is unlikely anything will ever change that, neither I nor anyone else can dictate how another person experiences their sexuality. Provided they do not harm others or themselves, it is no body else’s business.

The dynamism of human sexuality does not mean that it can be willingly changed. Ex-gay therapy is still dangerous, and has no place in a civilized society. This is what I believe is behind the anger of the queer community about Mr. Birch’s story, but it is a misdirected anger. That anger should be directed towards those who would use Mr. Birch’s story to argue that if people can go gay, they can go straight. It should be directed at those religious who propose that only one sexuality is correct. It should be directed at those bullies who drive young people to want to change their sexuality.

Just like I don’t want the government in my bedroom, I wouldn’t want anyone else in there uninvited either. People need to mind their own damn business.

Crazy busy

It’s that time of year again, when midterms are approaching and I’m buried in work. I’ll post a proper update soon, because it bothers me that I’ve been neglecting this blog.

another change in direction (sort of)

It may seem like I make some important life decision every 5 minutes, and the fact of the matter is I’ve been through a lot this past year. I was working as an adjunct professor and private tutor. I had decided to go back to school for a doctorate in Math or Math Education. (Didn’t follow through for reasons I’ll explain shortly.) I had decided to give trying to get a job at Google another go. (Didn’t work out.) I had decided to go back to school for a MST or MAT in Secondary School Mathematics, and to apply to Math for America, and a similar program. (Didn’t pan out.)

While I love teaching and tutoring, I’ve become disenchanted with the academic system in this country. I’m in a state of educational limbo, where I can’t afford to go back to school, I can’t get a good full-time teaching job at college because I don’t have a doctorate, and I can’t get any other teaching job, because I’m not certified. While I can continue to make a living teaching and tutoring at the current level, I feel like there’s more I can (and should) do with my life.

I love teaching and tutoring because it can make a positive impact on the lives of others. I love helping people. It was the reason why, back when I was Catholic, I had considered Holy Orders.

I was given the opportunity to preach on August 21, and the sermon was very well-received by the congregation. Both my husband and a dear friend who attended said this is what I was born to do. After much anxiety, wrestling, prayer, and sleepless nights, I had realized that this is my calling. I am applying to seminary. It’s really not that far off from what I was trying to do before. I’d still be helping others and working as an educator.

I don’t pretend to fully understand why, at the age of 32, I feel compelled to do this. It’s something I feel I need to do. I need to help challenge the tired stereotypes of what it means to be a Christian, a minister, and a gay man.

If there was any doubt as to my sanity — if you remember that I married some guy I met on the Internet a month after meeting him in person, dropped everything and moved to Florida, then dropped everything again, and moved with him to New York, against all common sense and the advice of concerned friends — then this should cinch it. I am completely out of my mind. Thank God I have a supportive husband who loves me anyway. I only hope he knows what he got himself into.

Ad Hoc Theology

Today I had the honor of preaching at Judson Memorial Church. The title of my sermon was “Ad Hoc Theology,” and addressed how I reconcile my faith as a Christian with my Marxist convictions.

I’ve uploaded the text of my sermon, along with the modern testimony reading. It is available for download here.

Keeping Momentum

At some point last night, something snapped. I had found my groove. I was able to spend 4 solid hours actually writing, editing, and revising my sermon. Editing was a difficult task, because it is a topic about which I could fill a small book with my thoughts, which I just might some day.

The point being, after so much agony and struggle, it felt wonderful to get everything down and done, without it being the final hour. I was actually able to relax today. It felt so wonderful, in fact, that I want to keep going. Keep writing. Finally get some hours in on my damn textbook. Redo some lesson plans for this semester. Revise that paper I wrote last year, and finally get it published. Write about pedagogy. Expand my views on Christianity and Marxism into a book.

I’ve caught the bug. God help my poor husband.

Marxism & Christianity

The Universe has devised a challenge for me, or perhaps I’ve brought it upon myself. In any event, I’ve been confronting it head on.

On Sunday, I will attempt to reconcile my faith in Christ with my Marxist-humanist convictions. I will do so over the course of a sermon that should be no longer than 15 minutes. This will be my first public sermon, in the presence of however many people show up to church.

The title of the sermon is “ad hoc Theology.”

I will post it here after the worship service.

One Year Later

One year ago this night, I posted to Facebook the following status update:

Dino and I are FED UP! This nation has ONE YEAR to get its act together, repeal DOMA, and legalize same-sex marriage. If, by August 10, 2011, I am not able to marry my husband, we are leaving.

That update caused quite a stir among our friends, some of whom thought this meant for sure that we would not be able to stay. And while the Defense of Marriage Act had not been repealed yet, New York managed to legalize same-sex marriage, and Dino and I had a lovely church wedding. We decided that, for now, was sufficient. We are staying in New York City.

The whole experience was an adventure, and a learning experience.

Let me back up 5 years. I left Illinois for Florida because Dino was there. We left Florida for New York, because South Florida is a miserable place for two young gay men to live. Moving wasn’t all that difficult for me emotionally, because by the time I left, neither Illinois nor Florida felt like home. Now we’ve set ourselves up in this city. We have our friends, and our family, and our work. I have my church community, and my political comrades. New York City is our home. It is the first time, in a very long time, that I’ve felt at home.

We were ready to move again, because, as much as I love this city, living in this country can be maddening for young radicals. The last two moves, we were running towards something. This time, we would have been running away from something. We would have found a place to live, but we would be living in exile.

New York is a city worth fighting for, and we will stay and fight, not only for queer rights, but for all humanity.

Write Daily

When it comes to following through on things, I suck. I keep a blog, but don’t update it very often. I’m writing a textbook, but I’m going at an embarrassingly slow pace. I’m supposed to be working on a programming project. I want to apply to grad schools, to study math or math education. Guess how many I’ve actually finished applying to?

There are three things holding me back. The first is a compulsion, or perhaps even an addiction, to social networks. I probably spend most of my online time on Google+ and Facebook. I’ve taken some rather drastic measures to fight this compulsion, including installing the StayFocusd Chrome extension, the most obnoxiously effective web-filter system I’ve ever used.

The second thing is time management. I find if I don’t stick to a schedule, I get nothing done. This problem is easily resolved by just spending 10 minutes every morning planning out my day, and keeping that plan located someplace where I see it so I stick to it. E-mail and phone breaks need to be kept to a minimum, and restricted to a designated time. If you receive a phone call that isn’t related to work, ask if you can call them back later (during your scheduled break). Scheduled breaks are very important. We aren’t robots, even when we are at work, and we only hurt our productivity when we try to be productive 100% of the time. Aim for 80%. Take 5-20 minutes off for every 60-90 minutes of work. Take a proper lunch break. If you find you are unable to focus, that means it’s time to shift your schedule to have a break now.

The third problem is that I’m easily distracted. Not just by social networks and phone calls, but by my own mind. I think of other things that need doing, and I find myself scrambling to do those things instead of what I really need to do. This is a real problem when you work out of your home, as I do. Yes, the dishes and laundry may need doing, but if you aren’t working on work, you’ll find you won’t have the money to have food or do laundry. Combating this problem is an uphill battle. It helps to find a coworking community if you are able to work remotely. Just having other people around can help you stay on task. Tell people what you’re working on, and what your expected deadlines are. If what you’re working on isn’t confidential, get feedback from others.

I’m determined to write daily, and update this blog regularly. To help me stay on task, I’ve changed my homepage to the Add New Post page. Now, when I open up my browser every morning, I’m reminded that I need to blog. So you’ll be seeing updates here much more frequently.

New York

Every time I have an opportunity to walk through this great city, I fall in love. It isn’t just that everything is here for anyone who needs anything. Material possessions are fleeting. It isn’t just that it is a city of progressive, live-and-let-live people.

New York is a city where the lives of millions of people from all walks of life converge. My love for New York is an extension of my love for life and humanity. It is a city of infinite possibilities, where human potential can be realized. It is a city where I can be a church-going Christian, queer, Marxist, and vegan, and no one thinks it all that odd. It is a city where you can walk into a bar and make a new friend.

New York is the original social network. I don’t think I truly understood what it meant to love life before I lived here.